Slowly making the rounds of our editorial offices is this behemoth of a book, Playboy: The Complete Centerfolds. Collecting all 675 Playmates from 1953 through 2006, in true centerfold size (22.75 in x 10.8 in) but, natch, without the folds, this 32-pound baby would benefit from coming with its own leather ottoman to rest on. But you’ll just have to make due with a strong lap instead (or if you’re lucky, someone else’s) as these pix deserve careful perusing.
Everyone has his or her favorite Playmate, or at least one that comes down through the years as representative of a time in their lives when anything (with anyone) seemed possible. Oh, dear Karen Valez, Miss December 1984, where are you now?
Well, all the ladies are in here, and with them, on them, around them, are America’s ever-changing attitudes about women, sex, and the accoutrements of attaining such bounty: the inlaid stereo systems; the shag carpets; the red sports cars; the endlessly upholstered executive office suits; the drapes that go on forever; the backyard pools and the chaises with white cushions, then yellow cushions, then red cushions … and on and on.
There's Marilyn, Jayne, Bettie and Stella Stevens. There's Vicki Smith before she was Anna Nicole Smith. There's Jenny McCarthy and Pamela Anderson. And there is Miss April 1967—Gwen Wong—her hair in a pigtails beehive, wearing an unbuttoned green plaid sweater with a green mini dress and wide white leather belt. She’s standing on one leg poised between a leather chair and a stack of orange floor pillows, while her other leg is crossed and propped up on the pillows. She’s pulling a long green plaid sock off her foot, which rests on her inner thigh. The symmetry is perfection. Her breasts tumble out towards the camera. This is a fantasy so complete we will not offer an explanation. Even her pigtail ties are green.
All of them and more can be yours for the price of $500. What you say, are you nuts? Do you know how many Xbox games I need to treat myself to this holiday season? Well, you deserve the Xbox games, we guess, but you also deserve this bit of endless lust, which will bring greater returns for longer than Master Chief will be fighting those … people that he fights. Chronicle Books only printed 5,000 copies, so hurry. If you’re smart, you’ll order it from Amazon for only $315. Look, it even comes with its own stylish leather case (numerical locks included) for easy portability. Gwen Wong will be proud.